Who are your guides? A guide is any person who teaches us to be wiser and kinder. Animals, a work of music or art, or nature itself can be a guide. Guides show us the ways love can be expressed. They show us a vision of what we can accomplish. The Buddha was a guide, but today we fine guides in ordinary people. Guides appear when we need them. Because no teacher is perfect, and our guides can be flawed. We are all human, and accepting your guides flaws is part of receiving the wisdom your guide possesses. One of the primary roles of a guide is to reflect our wisdom and joy back to us. A guide makes your feelings easier. They share your pain and dissipate your loneliness. Acknowledge and practice gratitude when a guide appears for you.
Moving Closer To Fear
Moving closer to fear is the journey of bravery. It is feeling the groundlessness that exists and being ok with it. In the face of groundlessness, we naturally grasp for something to hold on to, such as drugs, alcohol or pleasure. Identifying with and holding tightly to our views and opinions, results in dividing the world into us and them. Instead try to be open, available and receptive. Have the courage to be tender hearted and not strike out against others. Tap into your fundamental goodness. “Touch what is coming up and let it go.” In turning towards fear you discover vulnerability. Allow yourself to be as you are, without justifying or condemning. The anticipation is usually the worst part of the fear. Fear is moving closer to the truth and understanding this can reduce the shame of fear.
“All things can co-exist at the same time. Fear doesn’t have to stop the experience of a moment of joy. There is so much freedom when you push through to the other side.”
The Illusion of Time
Thanks to Brendan for leading Dharma Punx last Sunday. He led with a 30 minute silent meditation and a reading titled the “Three Categories of Illusion” by T’ien-t’ai from the Zen tradition.
Our following discussion centered around the nature of time and space and whether time exists or if it is just something we experience, an illusion. Brendan shared his thoughts “Once you start taking time out of the equation the results look different. Most important are the “now” moments, what we do in this life time. But at the same time, it doesn’t matter. Time goes on forever but we are just this lifetime.” Marco commented “In physics one can know where a particle is OR where it is going, but you can’t know both at the same time.” And Rob replied “I love the fact that there is so much we’ll never understand.” Marco stated that religions historically have supplied basic answers and definitions to simplify life for people.
The persona is only a constructed reality. All we really have is the self which is impermanent and in transition. The persona works in tandem with the self. Neither is true, but they are both true. It is a duality, and we learn to hold the two opposing thoughts in your mind at the same time. (In the Tibetan Buddhist lineage, it is known as the Conventional Self and the Ultimate Self, or the Two Truths.) Reality is perceived in layers. How you are perceiving it changes the outcome of how it unfolds. Questions arose in our group such as, when we die, how will we be perceived? They may be many things about us that no one knows, things we haven’t shared with anyone, that we carry with us, to our graves. What persona will we be remembered for? It may just be the little things like, being kind to one person, or helping another along the way. Or the things we made by hand, that may be found by another in a thrift store. Our gifts left behind.
Brendan commented “Think of consciousness as just a field. It’s possible that we all experience the same field. But we channel it through our own mind. This is how we separate ourselves from others. Because we experience it directly, we feel that our experience is more important than others.”
Melissa talked about ego stories being illusions we tell ourselves to try to make sense of things. Asking herself “What are the stories I tell myself that I would like to change?” and “what is the new story that I can replace it with?”. The story, “I am a busy person” is countered with “Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. No one to be”. And the story “I’m not good enough” is countered with dropping out of my identity. Letting go of thinking things are always related to me. Melissa concluded “I find that there is much more space when I am not guided by the constricted view of who I am.”
Forgiveness, Faith & Covid 19
Thanks to Beth for leading DPX last Sunday in our new temporary outdoor location. She presented a chart describing the 3 stages of the Covid Pandemic Response, published by the National Institute of Mental Health. The chart is a helpful guide to recognizing the difference between growth, acceptance and basic survival modes. Beth explained that, in an atmosphere of uncertainty and dread we often max out our good and bad coping skills and mechanisms. This can result in agoraphobia or feeling overly sensitive around people. It is important to understand that you may be dipping in and out of the different areas shown on the chart daily or even hourly because our thoughts and moods are impermanent.
Beth led us in a forgiveness meditation, using the phrases, “Forgive me, I forgive you, I forgive myself” as an anchor to return to when we get lost in thoughts. The meditation generated a discussion about forgiveness. Many commenting that self-forgiveness is the hardest part. People talked about having deep neural pathways of self-criticism. One member revealed that her mind is constantly reviewing previous social situation, trying to discern if she is at fault in any way. This is followed by a process of absolving her guilt. Though seeing her patterns and labeling them “reviewing” while meditating, she has come to realize that it is not her voice criticizing and judging herself, but an old conditioned “part” of her. (to use a term from the Internal Family Systems model of psychotherapy) This “part” was conditioned by her mother’s constant criticism and is no longer useful or helpful. With meditation one gets bored with all these unnecessary and unhelpful “parts” that continue to arise in a predictable pattern. Eventually it becomes easier to ignore them or drop them completely. Another helpful tip to reducing self-blame and unnecessary judgement mentioned was finding the inner child. How would you treat a child? Learn to treat yourself with the same kindness you would treat that child.
Others acknowledge they have trouble forgiving others. Beth quoted Noah Levin saying “You need to forgive everybody. I forgive you in my heart but never again in my house.” Practicing conditional forgiveness by separating internal forgiveness from external forgiveness is helpful. Rob commentated that the irony of anger is, “that you are so angry at a person, you are walking around with a rock in your gut.... and the other person is sitting at a bar having a beer!”
Rob also reminded us that some things are biological. People can have genetic dispositions which make them biologically more sensitive to certain things. The same situation can affect people differently. This explains why some people are strong and resilient in horribly adverse conditions while others end up with symptoms of trauma. Importantly, Beth commented that judging yourself against these strong people can be “just another way to beat yourself up.”
When the conversation turned back to coping mechanisms, people talked about Facebook and Instagram being a helpful way to stay connected with friends. Joining self-help groups, groups around Corona Virus issues of loss of jobs, how to navigate benefits and groups with similar interests can help you feel like you are not alone and provide useful information. However, Facebook’s algorithms can lead to confirmation bias which can be dangerous with politics, and Facebook can be addictive and overused. But Sam reminded us that “it’s better than nothing”. Mike talked about “letting go of the need to understand everything” and “letting go of expectations… of needing to have results,” and even of “having to feel better.” The level of anxiety is not going to stay. Just let it happen with forgiveness and it will pass.
Finally, doubt, one of the 5 Hinderances was discussed. Name it “doubt,” then add faith and action as a remedy. But what is faith? Barbara commented that “Faith is that 100-year old tree. Faith just comes. It’s not a feeling of happiness, it’s just ok-ness.” Sam concurred, remembering “Faith is the palm trees swaying back and forth in the wind, the only thing that survived the bombing of a city I lived in.” Mike concluded our discussion profoundly saying “Faith is making room for the people that come behind us.”