Can you be ok with your pain or are you dismissing it because others suffer more than you? Suppressing or denying your feelings because they are not painful enough can lead to shame. This is known as the second arrow. First you have the pain, then you pile a layer of guilt and shame on top. Ranking your pain and suffering against other’s pain is known as comparative suffering. Thinking “My pain is worse than others” is another form of comparative suffering. Thinking this way also piles on the second arrow of shame. In reality you can hold two thoughts simultaneously, “I recognize the validity of my own suffering as well as the suffering of others.” Empathy is not finite. There is enough to give yourself empathy and to give it to others. Visualize a softening around the edges of your heart, developing loving kindness with yourself so that you can extend compassion outward. Expressing your pain to others is part of the natural and necessary co-regulation of emotions. Most importantly, it opens up a space for others to come to you when they need empathy.